I guess this serves as a reminder to myself because right now, I’m seriously annoyed and mad with myself. Why? That’s because I said something which should not be said. I said something like “you all never tell earlier”. I seriously fucking hate this man, I mean how on earth I blurt out this sentence in front of superior? Why can’t I just think twice before I start saying things? If I refrain myself from talking to people, they will think that I’m cold and not friendly at all which sometimes I rather to be. Another hand is that if I go out and talk to people, I tend to talk without thinking twice, make bad impression I have on others.
I wish I could turn back the time and think twice before saying stupid things like this. When I’m back to office, I will definitely, definitely remind myself to think twice before I start to say anything. I must hold my own emotions which I somehow fail to do that these days where I could keep everything inside in the past. Seriously man, WTF is this? I’m so mad at myself now that I really feel like banging myself towards the wall. Another thing happened today is the ball went missing. Now I know that this is not really a big deal, but judging that the impression people have on me, just makes me really stress thinking about it because I don’t know how to carry myself around people and this makes matter worse. Maybe I’m thinking too much but I can’t help but to think that the impression and respect that people have on me is quite important to me.
Yeah, sometimes I’m just trying to be funny and all so that I can tell people subliminally that I’m actually not that hard to approach. Apparently, this isn’t really working, and this is the area that I really have to take note on.
FML
WTF is wrong with me? Why I can’t just be like someone who can be so fun to be with? Why? Probably because that’s not me. I don’t do sweet talks, I’m kayu, so is this considered as an excuse? I don’t know. Inside me tells me that I’m not giving myself excuse because I truly believe that my character isn’t suitable for this kind of environment. I guess that explains why I’m a loner. A lot of times I’ve been dreaming working in an aircraft cockpit and service people, rather than standing beside a random stranger, prepare to answer for their questions whilst promoting the stuff that we are working on. Honestly, I just love working behind the scenes and like everyone else, get recognised and appreciated. Unsung hero maybe?
Anyways, back to reality… Let’s just treat this post as a reminder to think before speaking without looking like an ass.
EDIT : Well.. just called him and he didn’t sound very happy about it all.. this will be the FIRST and LAST time I will be doing this. Even if I have to, I will make sure that I get their permission before using it. That would be the last resort. What a bad day today for me.. let’s hope tomorrow will be a good one. What the hell am I thinking???
