I guess everyone of us face this before regardless in working environment or university. Well I guess I can say I’m facing it now and it’s not a good feeling. The feeling of everyone seem to be going against you does feel lonely and angry at the same time. I don’t really know how to express my feelings really. – For the very first time I’m going strongly against to the direction of the team and I don’t normally say something that would hurt the team’s harmony for the sake of respecting people’s opinion as well as wasting time.
Well this time’s Research Methods assignment does give me a lot of stress and headache. Honestly, going against the team direction and losing good relationships with teammate isn’t a good thing to have. – Because at this point, I really don’t know whether I was right all the way and just by looking at how we interact, it really seems like I’m the only one who is wrong. At first, I thought ok maybe I was wrong, but after getting third person and even fourth opinion, my friends all seem to agree with me. Anyhow, the lousy leader(yes I may not be in a position to criticize people) made a decision and I just have to follow orders. Konon want to ask for opinions and say not insisting when she ask us to rethink. I was like WTF? You ask our opinion and I’ve already stated my stance, and now you telling me to rethink my decision? Unfortunately things didn’t go as planned meaning the original path to continue with existing framework. Everybody including Najia was ok with the new framework, now I don’t really disagree with creating the new framework, but as we can see now, all of us are scrambling to cut down words here and there because we are out of time. When I suggest something, they don’t seem to listen, well it’s normally when people don’t respect me. Obviously I don’t have respect in this group and I’m a bad guy out there.
I’m not a big fan who likes changing things in the very last minute. When we got this far, we should try our best to give it all out for whatever we have. Now they want to cut things down, I suggested to cut down my part so that we can save about 300 words, you don’t agree with it is fine by me, but this leader never answer anything at all. Sorry I can’t help it but to say – fuck you fadwa, you’re not being a good team leader since day one even you’re just a student. I called you but you don’t fucking answer my call and even sms. What sort of fucking leader are you? You obviously don’t like me and I don’t care about that but could you please be professional? Now to make things even, I don’t fucking like you as a person either, but for the sake of assignment I chose to talk to you even I hate doing that just so that we can communicate properly as I know the level of relationship between me and the team has gone down hill.
One person in my team I really don’t know I should trust or not because that’s what makes me feel as though I’m all alone throughout this. I really don’t know if it’s my problem or what, it’s like my brain tells me I’m wrong, but deep inside me still stand corrected. I don’t think I should linger on this problem anymore since we are close to finishing up this assignment and I really hope they don’t screw the shit up on this. I don’t care how good we got, as long as we get a pass, I’m all good with no complaints. Can’t imagine if this happens in a working environment and there is no guarantee that I could avoid this from happening. So I think I better get prepared and think what are the ways that can be done. Writing this is for me to reflect myself and also because I got no place to rant and feel heard. Sad la, it’s really difficult to find someone who can really listen to your feelings. Not easy to do that.
Just when I thought our team will be the top, it turned out to be quite an opposite. In terms of communication inside out, performance all really bad. To me relationship with a team is ultimately important than result alone. I feel far more satisfied working harmoniously with people and get average marks than high score with little to no communication at all. Because when we work nicely with people as a team, everybody knows what’s going on and give their best shot, and even if result turned out not as expected, at least we know we tried our best and pat ourselves at the back with a job well done.
I can be proud to say that I’ve involved twice working under this condition. I guess the first experience was with dennis and the other guy whose name I think was chee keong. Chee Keong was rather uncooperative by not giving us what we wanted and it was really simple getting a camera for us to shoot and try to find people to be our actor actress. Me and Dennis was really struggling that time, we both kept discussing what are the ways we could solve. Anyway long story short, we managed to came out with a nice video and I was pretty much satisfied with that. I was grateful to have such good team mate like Dennis.
Another experience was accounting finance. That one I was really really grateful to have such wonderful cooperative team mate. Both of them except Heap Hong was rather irresponsible. Anyway, we didn’t really actually meet up as a group, but I got everything figured out with delegation and even asked was there anything in their mind. Well, one had to go quick and the other came as promised and Heap Hong didn’t want to come saying that he has class to attend. Despite that short coming, I tried to maintain contact with all team members by letting know what was going on and even offer help if needed. Hairi also graciously offered his help with the assignment which I really appreciate. One thing that made me happy was that both of them even told me it was nice working with them. To me, I also enjoyed very much working with them and I always keep that as a benchmark to gauge my other team assignment. Well we didn’t really get to the top but almost got as high as we would have hoped for. I was really pleased with what we could achieve. At first I was a bit hesitant that we couldn’t make it because I simply don’t have a lot confidence with the team and myself. But then as we go along, we managed just fine and everything went pretty well.
That was the kind of team effort I was talking about. I gained respect from the both of them. I also respect them equally as a team. All in all, until today I’m very proud to have that team and it is a memorable experience for me.
/end of rant
Always hope for someone who could listen and support me all along just like everyone else.
